Reflections of Summer

"The sole art that suits me is that which, rising from unrest, tends toward serenity."   -Andre Gide, French writer, 1947 Nobel Prize for Literature

This summer truly was the best of my entire life. We traveled, we played, we splashed and rode bikes and hiked, and simply enjoyed being alive, as a family, in a foreign country. But, as every mom of energetic children knows, summer is also a time of noise and exuberance, and requires extra energy and patience to actually be able to enjoy it. Yes, now my boys are back in school, tucked into their routines, and now I have a little time for quiet. And I enjoy that, too ...

If time could be like a stretch of water, then my summer is like the photograph above, taken in Croatia a few months ago: rich with color, rippled with a summer breeze, and brightened by a shimmering sky.

Some days, the water characterizing my life looks like this photograph, above, taken of the crashing waves at the Portland (Maine) Head Light: turbulent, frothing, and spilling over with energy. On those tumultuous times of life, being creative and writing is almost impossible, because of the storms. But those times where our emotions are stirred and we are being stretched (also like the top photo, where life is colorful and brave), we are filled with new experiences and can tap into them later ...

... Like on days with this photograph, of a single rowboat tethered in Maine, bobbing along an alluring blue sea. This is the place where creativity happens: in stillness. In the refuge from the storms, stirred up by life's emotions, but with a clear surface that reflects life's real experiences into our art and creative works. This is where the richness begins ...

... And develops with much coaxing and revision and editing, into a work of beauty, reflecting something intangible yet irresistible with a fresh perspective on something as old as time. Words on paper, oils on canvas, images captured through a lens: spaces of art and beauty and meaning to share. There, in the serenity, we can see the reflection of something deeper, something bigger and greater than the surface, and can be inspired for more of an adventure-filled life.

Starting the conversation: What was your summer like? What are your ideal conditions for living and life and creating?

Finding Sanity in a Mom's Chaos

One of the most marked-up books in our home library is a book that changed my life. Years ago, several years into the Mom journey, I bumped into a book called Tender Mercy for a Mother’s Soul by Angela Thomas. With a title like that, and knowing how little mercy I felt in my role as a mom, I knew I had to read it. I didn’t read it just once, but many times, highlighting and taking notes as I went. Somehow, Angela’s words touched me and changed my life forever.

Me, the Mom in a purple wig! with my three little Jedis

Specifically hard-hitting for me was a section on Grace, something I knew very little about (and am still learning more of everyday). Angela talks about a Woman of Grace and writes out a humorous but true List of Rules every mom thinks she should abide by. She writes, “We believe there is a list of rules out there, and if we can just find the list and keep all the rules, then life will be happy and good.” And so starts her top ten list of things every “good mother should do.” (1. A good mother should prepare homemade, well-balanced meals…) It is too easy to believe that if somehow we can just keep the rules, then we’ll find “happiness.”

Every area of life has a list to abide by, but Angela writes “grace has the power to free me from all the unwritten lists that want to steal my joy and run my life. Thanks be to God, grace makes life more than a list of rules to keep.” Grace, she says, frees us from bondage to enjoy the blessings in our life.

I remember also one of the stand-out stories for me—Angela recalls a friend’s biggest personal news to share was fixing the screen on her sliding patio door. The woman’s life, she writes, completely revolved around her children. How easy it is to procrastinate taking care of our own souls, as moms, and say things like, “When the baby is out of diapers … or when the kids are out of school …” etc, then we’ll start to think about cultivating ourselves. Until we can take care of ourselves and invest in what also makes us tick, our lives can be just about as fulfilling as fixing the screen door.

From my own experience, I’ve watched parents pour everything into their kids without thinking a thing for what they are doing—pushing their children onto a pedestal and putting them into a role that they certainly cannot fulfill. Our children are not made to be our everything. They are made to be loved. And out of love for our children, we as moms have to invest in ourselves as well. Our families cannot be it. They cannot complete the hole in our hearts that can only be filled by God, and pursuing also that for which he created us to be. For when our children leave home, and they will, we need to have something other than their absence to dwell on, and something more than falling to pieces to do with ourselves.

Maybe one of the greatest gifts we could give our spouse and children comes by investing in ourselves—even just a smidge every day—so that when our children grow up we still have something of ourselves intact and healthy. It’s important to find sanity as a mom—three basics I think help tremendously:

1. Live:
I heard one of the best pieces of advice for moms from a pediatrician, who recommended a guilt-free “prescription” for Me time for every new mom—minimum one hour each week. However it happens, every human being needs a block of time to remember who they are, separate from the endless demands of work and / or motherhood. Time to go out to lunch with a friend, to take a run through the park, to find the perfect flowers to plant in the Spring garden—time to be.

2. Learn:
Invest in yourself, learn a new skill—read a new book, take a new class, learn a new language, travel to a new place. We need the opportunity to continue becoming our very best—to continue to learn even while we are moms.

3. Love:
The First Book of Corinthians, chapter 13 speaks on Love, and says Love is to guide all we do. When we take some time each day to be still, pray, and let God take the edges off our hearts, He refills us with love and grace for our lives and for our families. We don’t even have to try to do it all ourselves.

The Result is to Thrive: To Thrive is the picture of health and vigor, growing naturally and allowing the life from within to take root. Like a beautiful flower, dazzling with dew in the sun, we can thrive, let our lives shine, and let love take root to grow and bloom with healthy lives.

I count my husband and children as some of my greatest blessings. Each day is truly a gift. I want to enjoy these days, this short time I have to be with them until they are on their own. But it can’t be done by smothering them, by hovering over their every move, or by making them the center of my universe. It can only be done by starting with myself …

To grace, and health, and all things new during this season of rebirth and Spring and Lent,

Jennifer

PS. A friend of mine, TJ Wilson, blogged about being a mom, and a book that helped in her life: click here for the link to her post on She’s Gonna Blow!

Starting the conversation (click below to leave a comment): Is there a book, or mentor, or other help in your life that has helped you become a healthier human being? What pieces of your life can you count as investing in you?

More Than a Hill of Beans

It doesn’t seem that long ago, coming home from the hospital in Metairie, Louisiana, with our firstborn—a truly memorable experience. The gracious night nurse had just given me a crash course on caring for a newborn … not just any newborn, but my own. It didn’t take long to realize the meaning of the new little life depending on me. Diaper changes, feedings, and all-nighters followed by all-dayers proved to be much more challenging than I had imagined it all to be. Soon, I realized, it adds up. Caring wholeheartedly for someone else takes a toll on the caregiver, on the mom. It wasn’t long after that I realized the best gift coming home from the hospital would have been something unexpected, but entirely needed—a prescription for weekly, or even daily, guilt-free personal time for the mom.
An interview I read in the USA Today (click here for link) with Marie Osmond, mother of eight children, was along these same lines—that women, moms especially, rarely take care of themselves. One of Marie’s sons said to her, “Mom, we think you're beautiful no matter what you weigh, but we want you to start taking care of yourself. ... We want you to be around for us and for our kids, too." Such truth.

The longer I’ve been a mom, the more I’ve realized the intensity of the need for time to care for myself. When we give, we also earn the need to replenish. It doesn’t matter if the replenishment comes in the form of an undisturbed hour to soak in the tub or daily time to unwind with a walk or a run, but caring for ourselves, in general, is often difficult to justify. There is always another meal to prepare, room to pick up, bill to pay, or dish to wash. But we need time away from drudgeries like clothes ruined by the errant crayon melted in the dryer. We, as human beings, need time and investment in our health—more than an occasional check in a box to say that we are worth more than a hill of beans.

When we invest more than the tired minute at the end of the day in ourselves, we’re able to gain balance, restore or gain personal health. Even more, when we allow ourselves time to reflect and sort the healthy from the harmful, and let go of those things pinning us down under the weight of an oppressive past, we begin to feel a change, a positive awakening to something full and vibrant and real—something authentic. There is nothing more valuable to give to our spouses and children, to the world around us, and to life and living, than an unhindered, authentic love coming from the depth of personal well-being and health … beauty and love at its best.

When we care for ourselves, we care for our families as well. When we invest in our health, we invest in the health of those we love as well. When we continue to learn, exercise, laugh, and enjoy life, we also help those we love to do those very same things. We want the best for those entrusted to our care. Maybe by beginning with something as innocuous as prescription for spending intentional time remembering our own health, we can remember that our health is important, too.

This Mother’s Day, give the gift of encouragement and empowerment to someone you love (even yourself!) so that she may take another step toward becoming all that she can be. It just may be the best gift ever.

Ten Gifts Wrapped in a Mom's Life

Back in a different life, I drove with the windows down and U2 playing through the stereo in all its grand fullness. Beautiful days, beautiful times. But one day, I woke up and looked through the rearview mirror of the minivan at the tiny faces staring back and gasped—whoa—how did this happen? Yes, in a blink, a snap, there they are, leaving me as the responsible one, the mom. A new adventure, for sure—and I have to say one of the best adventures of my life.

Today, ten years into the trek across the continent called Motherhood, I’ve discovered the journey to be both wonder-filled and challenging. Though the climbs are often steep, the views are also often breathtaking, the joy full and rich, and the fun unrivaled. Following are ten gifts I’ve found wrapped in my life as a mom.

1. New Talents. Expertise comes lightening-fast in many forms, including but not limited to: taking an accurate temperature in the middle of the night, changing diapers one-handed, processing innumerable loads of laundry per week, cleaning stubborn stains, shuttling players to simultaneous games, and choosing just the perfect Bandaid for every hurt.

2. New Thoughts. Stocking up on Gatorade in early spring out of experience.

3. New Ways to See the World. Coins and outlets and tablecloths at a toddler’s eye-level.

4. New Experiences. Holding wild things for the first time: butterflies, slugs, bunnies, snakes.

5. New Standards. Dust bunnies growing into dust dogs are just fine.

6. New Capacities. Grossness on every level … need more be said?

7. New Jobs. Short-order cook to ravenous and growing mouths. Every day.

8. New Trivia. Every name of every character on not only Seseme Street, but Pokemon, Star Wars, and more.

9. New Appreciations. For quiet.

10. Newfound Loves. This one, I feel deeply … without my kids, I wouldn’t have discovered some of the essences of me … writing, photography, oil painting. My life is forever changed for the better because I have slowed down and listened to something deeper than the norm.

My life has become incalculably richer and more satisfying for the three young lives in my world—one where I’ve learned to savor so many things, including an occasional ride in the minivan, with the windows down and U2 playing.

Even more beautiful days, even more beautiful times.