A Time of Peace and Beauty and Hope: Christmas 2010

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-- we find it with another." -Thomas Merton, American Monk, Kentucky, USA, 1915-1968

As another year comes to a close, and the beauty and peace and hope brought by the meaning of Christmas fills the air, I enjoy reflecting on the year that has passed while looking ahead at the year to come.

Continuing from last week's post, I am using the Reverb10 prompts from the site at Reverb10. Click here to see their excellent site, motto Reflect On This Year & Manifest What's Next.

December 9 – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe.

My main man, husband, Brian--so grateful for him

I laugh at this question because we've had so many fun occasions with friends in 2010, but I have to pick my birthday. With four other couples, we spent a long evening at SaSaZu, a hip Asian fusion restaurant in Prague. Lots of fun, lots of food, and lots of great friends. One of the best memories of Party ever. Grateful.

December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
Hmm. Isn't this a stumper. I'll have to say taking my literary agent's suggestion to heart and attending the great ACFW conference. Great time to refresh and renew, learn from and meet other writers.

December 11 – 11 Things: What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
Again, these questions aren't easy. Eleven things: so I ask my boys, who are sitting beside me right now ... they say (because they are arguing right now...) 1) Arguing, 2) Criticizing, 3) Complaining, 4) Making fun of people ... etc. You get the picture. I'll wrap up 11 things by adding, saying only things that encourage or help lift another higher. Life is hard enough as it is.

December 12 – Body Integration: This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
For me, this happens when I am writing. I lose all track of time, and become immersed in story. Also, skiing, biking, tennis-- playing, in essence.

December 13 – Action: When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
Writing my next book. Working at the story until it sings, and gets sold to a publisher ...

December 14 – Appreciate: What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
I appreciate four things most in life: my family, my friends, my health, and my ability to use the gifts which I've been given. Expressing gratitude becomes a natural extension of every moment, in recognition of the Giver of all good things in life.

December 15 – 5 Minutes: Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
Back to the quote at the top, the time and experiences I have been given with my family and friends. So grateful.

December 16 – Friendship: How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
The friendships we have here in Prague have been rich, filling our lives with more than companionship, but also laughter and new insights into worlds and cultures vastly different than ours. Our lives will never be the same for the depth of the friendships we have enjoyed especially over the last year. Certainly, they have changed our perspective on the world while stretching, challenging, and bringing our lives much joy.

December 17 – Lesson Learned: What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
The lesson learned most: rich relationships with family and friends will always be the thing that matters most, makes life vibrant, and fills my heart with overflowing warmth. Time spent with others will always be the thing that makes me tick. Thank you to all the cherished who make my life so very rich and full. Looking forward to 2011!

Staring the conversation: What about you? How have friends helped 2010 be a great year for you?

Finding Sanity in a Mom's Chaos

One of the most marked-up books in our home library is a book that changed my life. Years ago, several years into the Mom journey, I bumped into a book called Tender Mercy for a Mother’s Soul by Angela Thomas. With a title like that, and knowing how little mercy I felt in my role as a mom, I knew I had to read it. I didn’t read it just once, but many times, highlighting and taking notes as I went. Somehow, Angela’s words touched me and changed my life forever.

Me, the Mom in a purple wig! with my three little Jedis

Specifically hard-hitting for me was a section on Grace, something I knew very little about (and am still learning more of everyday). Angela talks about a Woman of Grace and writes out a humorous but true List of Rules every mom thinks she should abide by. She writes, “We believe there is a list of rules out there, and if we can just find the list and keep all the rules, then life will be happy and good.” And so starts her top ten list of things every “good mother should do.” (1. A good mother should prepare homemade, well-balanced meals…) It is too easy to believe that if somehow we can just keep the rules, then we’ll find “happiness.”

Every area of life has a list to abide by, but Angela writes “grace has the power to free me from all the unwritten lists that want to steal my joy and run my life. Thanks be to God, grace makes life more than a list of rules to keep.” Grace, she says, frees us from bondage to enjoy the blessings in our life.

I remember also one of the stand-out stories for me—Angela recalls a friend’s biggest personal news to share was fixing the screen on her sliding patio door. The woman’s life, she writes, completely revolved around her children. How easy it is to procrastinate taking care of our own souls, as moms, and say things like, “When the baby is out of diapers … or when the kids are out of school …” etc, then we’ll start to think about cultivating ourselves. Until we can take care of ourselves and invest in what also makes us tick, our lives can be just about as fulfilling as fixing the screen door.

From my own experience, I’ve watched parents pour everything into their kids without thinking a thing for what they are doing—pushing their children onto a pedestal and putting them into a role that they certainly cannot fulfill. Our children are not made to be our everything. They are made to be loved. And out of love for our children, we as moms have to invest in ourselves as well. Our families cannot be it. They cannot complete the hole in our hearts that can only be filled by God, and pursuing also that for which he created us to be. For when our children leave home, and they will, we need to have something other than their absence to dwell on, and something more than falling to pieces to do with ourselves.

Maybe one of the greatest gifts we could give our spouse and children comes by investing in ourselves—even just a smidge every day—so that when our children grow up we still have something of ourselves intact and healthy. It’s important to find sanity as a mom—three basics I think help tremendously:

1. Live:
I heard one of the best pieces of advice for moms from a pediatrician, who recommended a guilt-free “prescription” for Me time for every new mom—minimum one hour each week. However it happens, every human being needs a block of time to remember who they are, separate from the endless demands of work and / or motherhood. Time to go out to lunch with a friend, to take a run through the park, to find the perfect flowers to plant in the Spring garden—time to be.

2. Learn:
Invest in yourself, learn a new skill—read a new book, take a new class, learn a new language, travel to a new place. We need the opportunity to continue becoming our very best—to continue to learn even while we are moms.

3. Love:
The First Book of Corinthians, chapter 13 speaks on Love, and says Love is to guide all we do. When we take some time each day to be still, pray, and let God take the edges off our hearts, He refills us with love and grace for our lives and for our families. We don’t even have to try to do it all ourselves.

The Result is to Thrive: To Thrive is the picture of health and vigor, growing naturally and allowing the life from within to take root. Like a beautiful flower, dazzling with dew in the sun, we can thrive, let our lives shine, and let love take root to grow and bloom with healthy lives.

I count my husband and children as some of my greatest blessings. Each day is truly a gift. I want to enjoy these days, this short time I have to be with them until they are on their own. But it can’t be done by smothering them, by hovering over their every move, or by making them the center of my universe. It can only be done by starting with myself …

To grace, and health, and all things new during this season of rebirth and Spring and Lent,

Jennifer

PS. A friend of mine, TJ Wilson, blogged about being a mom, and a book that helped in her life: click here for the link to her post on She’s Gonna Blow!

Starting the conversation (click below to leave a comment): Is there a book, or mentor, or other help in your life that has helped you become a healthier human being? What pieces of your life can you count as investing in you?

Eight Days under the Tuscan Sun

When I saw the movie Under the Tuscan Sun years ago, Tuscany became a place I yearned to visit. The cinematography in the movie was beautiful, and the lure of a slower pace of life combined with the elements of great Italian foods and wines only accented the gentle beauty of the Tuscan land.

We’ve always been a driving family—we enjoy absorbing the roll and beauty of a country as we pass through it. Since we now live in Prague, Czech Republic, we thought we would enjoy the journey to Italy for our kids’ October break from school. And so began our family vacation to Italy. Every hour of the drive was breathtaking (I’ll have to blog about it for another post).

A region in middle Italy known for its abundant and fine olives and wines, Tuscany is rural, just north of Rome, and is sweetly seasoned with generous people, prolific sunshine, and fascinating history. Italy, and Tuscany, was a wonderful place to visit, especially in the low tourist time of October.

We stayed the week in a beautiful tiny villa on the Mediterranean Sea in the Maremma region of Tuscany in Italy. (http://www.trustandtravel.com/) Since the villa sits on an estate of olive groves and sheep pastures, we found the beach to be completely deserted, with no other villas or residences for miles around. Wow! It was just gorgeous, passing the days playing in the sand, collecting colorful shells, taking long walks, cooking and eating delicious food, and spending quiet time together to absorb the vast recent changes in our lives. The serenity was deeply fulfilling. And for our three boys, ages seven, eight, and ten, they relished the sand and sun, discoveries of washed-up coins, lizards and snakeskins, and encounters with the local fox (including when she stole a shoe left out for the night).

We saw and experienced so many other things while away—Firenze (Florence), Siena, ancient hill towns, Rome, Pisa, the NW Italian coast, Switzerland, Lichtenstein, and Austria—it seems I have endless stories to share and thousands of photographs to sift through.

Our family vacation in Italy was quite a dream come true, far exceeding all hopes. The velvet blue sky and lush rolling landscape will linger in our minds for quite some time, I think.

Tuscany and Italy have captured my heart …

Planning to share a photo journal of our trip in the next post—Ciao! -JK

Staycation

Before two weeks ago, I’d never heard the word Staycation. But I saw an article on 2008’s newest words being added to sites and dictionaries, and Staycation was on that list.

Clever, I thought. And so true. This year happens to be one of those years where we debated for quite some time about what we wanted to do with the remainder of our vacation time. Traditionally, we drive south, stop to get over-stimulated at Disney World for a day or two, and then continue down Florida as far south as we can go. Once we’ve parked our minivan in a condominium parking lot, the car doesn’t move for the rest of the week as we soak in sun rays, stroll endlessly on the beach, dig bottomless craters in the sand, and just overall live as five beach bums subsisting on Fruit Loops and hard-boiled eggs. But the mindset changed a bit last Christmas-time as we weathered five of the seven days on the beach in winter coats. Though the cold snap brought bucket-loads of sand dollars and starfish, we decided that this year might be time to consider a break. A break from the break, that is. So, we’re on our first intentional Staycation.

CNN.com says a Staycation is an “alternative to pricey, stressful travel,” and defines it as “taking time off from work to enjoy life at home.” Wikipedia says that though Staycations may cost less money than a traditional vacation, they may make keeping up with email and catching up on work more tempting.

This two weeks of our Staycation, we have done much more of the little things around the area—family activities like snow tubing at a local ski resort, visiting Santa (not sure if the line was fun, but the experience was perfect for our youngest at least), and touring the nearby Museum of Natural History. Adding in other fun things like dipping the night away with friends at a fondue restaurant, watching movies, and sporting away many afternoons at our Lifetime with racquetball, rock climbing, basketball, and swimming, we’ve had a memorable time with plenty of fun for all. Sure, having an iPhone makes keeping up with email easy (and convenient), and since I’m a writer, I still write at least a couple of hours each day. So, I guess I could say that Staycation has provided a relaxing atmosphere to do what needed to be done as well. A win-win in my mind.

I will surely remember this Christmas 2008 as being one of the best, and Staycation certainly has something to do with it. Though my toes are looking forward to sand and surf, this time staying at home for vacation has been enjoyable and relaxing—a great Staycation for all.

Road Tripping and Finding Thanks

This past weekend, we ventured on a road trip. Just like the old folk song goes, “Over the meadow and through the woods …” Well, that was us this Thanksgiving. We went over the meadow and through the woods to share some of the holiday weekend with relatives. We’ve made the same journey so many times we can almost predict what comes next before it even gets there. Like the gas station lady at a small town gas station lining I-75 who greets everyone with a twangy, “What’s can I do fer ya’?” I always love the accent, thick enough to substitute for molasses. I grew up with it, and somehow though I’ve lost most traces of a Southern accent, I’ve never lost the fondness for it. And then the next words out of her mouth as she glanced at our license plate: “Where’s you from in O-Hi-Ya?” Apparently, everyone she meets from “O-Hi-Ya” is from “Cin-cin-a-ta”. Yep, that’s where we’s from, too.

Every time we reach the top of the Smoky Mountains and the spectacular views, we cringe. Not because we’re afraid we’re going to fall off or we’re afraid of driving it, but every time we pass that way someone in the car is dying to find a bathroom. Of course, there is no respectable bathroom for miles up there. But memories of taking one of our then-toddlers onto the side of the road to do his business has left a deep groove in our minds. We’ll just say that particular time we had to leave the pants and the underwear behind. On this trip, it was just our dog who could hardly wait for a place to pull over. If it’s not one, it’s another.

At our destination, the noisy yet graceful Sandhill cranes greeted us with their nightly antics on the Tennessee River. The current economic times and other strains of life feel much smaller when I can taste a bit of Nature’s beauty and the cycles it has sustained over time. I love time spent out in Nature.

On the way home, we were all excited to be back in the car. Of course, the dog lit up our drive with regular emissions of her specialty blue fog. Instead of the in-car DVD being the anticipated entertainment, a jar of 34 river snails captivated the attention of our boys for the entire six hours. And though embarking on a new adventure to another part of the country is always fun, we were thrilled to see the Cincinnati skyline from the cut-in-the-hill … home again. What better time to have a fresh sense of thanks than during the holiday that inspires gratitude?

This season, I know I am truly thankful for our family and our health—and that Together is a wonderful place to be.